Late Night Smiles
by bagel shop jazz
Summary: silly little javajunkie piece, no grand schemes. All done.
1. Confrontation

Jess scowled, kicking at the dirt behind the Gilmore house and watching the afternoon sky of brisk fall harden to evening. Luke, busy with the diner, had sent him over for the ever necessary repairs, but he'd only had the disapproval of Lorelai to keep him company as he laboured, silent and resentful.  
  
She came around again, now, bearing coffee. "Care for a cup of heaven?"  
  
"Is that Luke's?" He avoided her eyes and kept his scowl in careful place, feeling the air vibrate around him.  
  
"Yeah. Want some?" Lorelai's face wrinkled softly, her eyes open and kind. Here he was again, this demon kid - But she wanted to give him a chance, for Rory, for Luke. Glowering form of satanic hellspawn with shifty eyes in her backyard. She brought him coffee in peace. He wasn't a bad kid, really, but ... Something about him made her nervous. As though he alone could bring the world to a shattering halt.  
  
"You know, someday he might actually stop serving you." He took the coffee with a moment's flash of too deliberate smile.  
  
"Nah. Couldn't happen. His grand love of community would prevent him from ever - Ever unleashing a coffeeless lorelai on the town of stars hollow." Her voice rang out cheerful.  
  
His body heaved out a soft snort of fake laughter. "Thanks for the coffee." He muttered.  
  
"Well -" too loudly, her false cheerful voice -  
  
"Look, i know you don't like me. You don't have to pretend."  
  
She looked at him, suddenly. "W-what?" She sighed. "Jess, I don't think you're a bad person I just worry about Rory -"  
  
"Because I'm too real."  
  
She shifted nervously, bright suprised and mouth ready to intervene.  
  
"You like Dean. Dean is safe. It's like a seventh grade relationship where all they do is hold hands during lunch and fight over trivialities. You don't like me, because I think. Because Rory and I can talk."  
  
"Jess. I dont think it's my business - Rory is her own person and I don't want to tell her who to be friends with -"  
  
"Just let me talk, ok?" His voice hit cold, and his dark form advanced menacingly, head bent down to the ground, but rolling up to look her hard in the face.  
  
"I get that Rory's your best friend. Your whole fucking life. And here she is, 17 years old and one year from college, and all you want to do is keep her a kid. Your kid. Don't hold it against me that she has real things in her life, that she's growing up and all I do is remind you that she can think. And will start to live her own life soon and as much as you'll always be her best friend you won't always be her whole life. Those are your issues. I respect you more than most people in this goddamn town, so leave your own issues out of your judgment of me, okay?"  
  
"Wow, I think that's the most I've ever heard you say, Jess. Are you feeling okay? Need to lie down?"  
  
"Yeah, whatever." He turned away and looked at his work. "I'm done. See ya."  
  
"Hey, wait a second, Jess." He froze, glanced her her with dark eyes.  
  
"You're right. I'm terrified of Rory growing up. You're a smart kid, you read the same kind of books she does, and i bet you think about a lot of things. And - I can understand where you're coming from." She sighed. "Must be hard to have everyone here judging you all the time. I'm sorry, Jess. I was wrong."  
  
"Man, Uncle Luke would kill to hear you say that." His voiced rolled, a halfsmile sneaking across his scowl. "Rory's a great person. I respect her." This last confession falling onto the air, he strode angrily down the street of a, to him, hostile town, and Lorelai looked after him, hands on her hips and hair falling soft and dark over her shoulders. Shaking her head, she turned a strolled with a kickhip walk into the house. 


	2. Weirdism in the night

"Luke." She flopped down at the counter arms flopping down and head falling forward to look intensely into his eyes.  
The coffee cup banged down loudly in front of her and, scowling, he grabbed the pot, each movement exaggerated and hostile.  
"What." He stated, eyes flicking up at her as he bustled behind the counter.  
She smiled sweetly and bounced, playful, at the sound of the coffee pouring into the cup. Luke stopped, cup full, and his glare fell hard onto her smiling face, lingering intently for just a moment.  
  
"How'd it go with Jess today? He didn't screw up?"  
"No," Lorelai smiled, voice surprised. "He did a great job. And -" She drew in a sharp breath, "I misjudged him, Luke. I'm sorry."  
His eyebrows shot up, eyes quickly flashing to her face, wiping the counter, turning again to look at her before -  
"Really?" The word deadpan, Luke's form continued dependably moving about. "What made you decide this."  
"I ... " She looked at him, gulping coffee. "Talked to him. He said things, I said things -"  
"Yeah, I know what talking is."  
"And - I misjudged him. He made me think, though." She chirped, looking at him and smiling sillily.  
"Oh. God. No." He half-smiled.  
  
"What'd you talk about?" He paused and looked her full in the face, eyes softened.  
"I dont know, really. He talked I listened. Weird, huh?" Luke smiled, glancing to the side, out at the dark window, and then back to her eyes.  
"About what?"  
"Rory. Me. Life. I dont know. He was right. Rory's got her own life now, her own brain. And, God, I dont know ... what I'm gonna do without her."  
"Lorelai. You aren't losing her. You two are closer than any two people I've ever seen."  
"But she'll leave, Luke. I know ... I'll always have her in my life but."  
She gulped coffee and looked at him, her face suddenly open - no sculpted smiling or laughing eyes, but vulnerable and honest - "She's leaving. My whole Life has been defined by Rory. It's not like i can just say, 'oh well i got that little thing done with, now back to the prescribed plan.' I can't just join the rest, live a normal life. I'll be alone for the first time ... Ever. Since i was a young girl crying in her adolescent bedroom. I dont know how to make a life after Rory goes to college."  
  
He nodded, listening intently as he walked over to the door and flipped the sign to closed. He flipped the lights, leaving only the counter area lit.  
"You'll be fine, Lorelai."  
She closed her eyes, and let the sound of his voice - monotone yet colorful - fall over her, the sound of her name so deliberate and comforting.  
  
"You don't have to be alone. You'll find someone. And - and even if you don't, you've got the whole town. Sookie. The inn. Babette and Morey's antics. Miss Patty, Kirk and Taylor to laugh at. Me. You're not alone. They wouldn't leave you alone even you wanted them to. And you'll never kick your coffee addiction, so I'm sure you'll spend half your day annoying me as always."  
  
He looked straight at her now, walking back across the diner and sitting on the stool next to her. "I know you'll miss Rory. And you can't predict how life will work out. But your life doesn't end. C'mon Lorelai, you haven't done anything the normal way so far, no one's expecting you to live the normal life from now on. It'll ... evolve, and all you have to do is just keep going as it does."  
  
She leaned her head on his shoulder as though tired, and smiled up at his expressionless face and tender eyes.  
"Thanks Luke," she said smoothly shutting her eyes.  
"Now gimme more coffee," with a sudden wide grin. He laughed and looked away.  
"You know. Jess said he respected me - more than most people in this town at least. The thing that scares me most is that I can relate to him. I mean, everyone hates him, he doesnt fit in. And he and Rory -. The only reason we're not Jess is because - we're different here, we're the weirdos but we still belong here. We need this place for our weird-ism, Luke, ever think about that?"  
"Weird-ism? I think your use of the word 'we' is a little presumptuous, Gilmore."  
"Gilmore?"  
He shrugged, "Thought I'd try something new. Lorelai sounded far too nice."  
  
"I'm serious, Luke. You don't exactly conform to this town. Not that this town has any sane standard of normality, but i think you know what i mean."  
"Okay."  
"We're both a lot like Jess. Except that people accept us, don't hate us on impulse. That's the main difference. This is our place, whether we like it or not, but Jess - he doesnt have that. It was stupid of me to judge him."  
"Yeah. But it was normal."  
She looked at him and groaned, "Oh, God, you mean i'm susceptible to the same lack of judgment as normal people?"  
"Normal people who love their daughters more than anything, yeah." His eyes met hers. "I'm glad you're giving him a second chance."  
"Not so much a second chance as realizing my own stupidity and bias. God, Luke, I feel like such a bitch. I mean, he did some stupid things, but he's a kid. I just don't want to be one of those people that blames a kid forever for the mistakes they made."  
"You're not a bitch," he chuckled, and slid a piece of pie her way. "But you are leaving as soon as you finish that."  
"Meanie."  
  
He caught his breath - Would have been so easy to say "love you" jokingly at that moment. What the hell was that impulse? He had feelings for her, but they would pass, with time. Just a stupid preoccupation with the way she smiled, and these moments of rare companionship when she came for her coffee fix. If he were Lorelai maybe he'd stick his tongue out at her, but instead he halfsmiled, and disappeared into the kitchen to clean up a bit before closing. Why did she have to invade his world at night, that vulnerable halfreality of darkness and empty diner? It wouldn't feel so weird in the daytime. He sighed, audibly. 


	3. Loverboys and circus fashion

*And it begins -   
oh, this is before the dance marathon, obviously - Rory's still with Dean. And I'm ignoring Dave for the moment. Oh well.   
  
~~~~~~~  
  
  
Rory sat on the couch staring at the floor, a book in her lap. Dean had just left, angry but childlike, questioning but missing the point. She turned back to her book, tapping her pen in the air. She hurled the pen across the room suddenly; stared, and - sighing - went to retrieve it.   
Lorelai dropped her keys on the table and sauntered over to the couch as Rory settled back down.   
"I thought Dean was stopping by?"  
"Yeah, Well."  
"What does *that* mean? Something wrong, hun? Deany run off and join the circus?"   
"Oh, Mom" Rory drawled theatrically, "no matter how much clown makeup i put on, I just couldn't compete with his love of the trapeze."   
"Oh don't worry, kid, I'll parade you around on an elephant wearing sequins."   
"Ooh, and bright pink feathers in my hair?"  
"Purple's in right now. All the rage in circus fashion. Everything okay in Dean land? No makeout session today?"  
"Mom!" She sighed. "I don't know."   
"Having second thoughts about making things work?"  
"No! I mean, I love Dean. I just need to concentrate on making things right."   
"Rory, are you sure this is what you want? Don't think about Jess, or Dean's feelings - do *you* want to be with him?"  
"I don't know anymore."  
  
"Does he make you happy? When I broke up with Max, I realized that - i stopped feeling an instant rush of happiness when i saw him. Not that a relationship could ever be all happiness and perfection, but ... I think it's important that you still sometimes smile when you see the guy, without thinking or being able to stop yourself. With Max - He was nice, he was kind, but - All it was was an appreciation of the good things about him. Mental appreciation. How do you feel with Dean?  
"I feel like I should love him."  
"Oh, honey, you need to think about whether you really want this. Do you smile when you see him?"  
"No, I guess I ... prepare myself. And then smile. Does that count?"  
"No, it's gotta be instant! Before you can stop yourself! The kind of smile that feels goofy and embarassing."  
"Do you still have that with Dad?"  
"No, whenever i see Chris now i cringe in apprehension, wondering what will happen."  
  
"I bet you smile when you see Luke though ..." Rory teased, grinning.  
Lorelai gaped at her. "Wha- ... What?"   
She sat there, eyes wide and mouth suddenly silenced, frozen in place.   
"I meant the coffee! Mom, RELAX, I just meant the - Oh my god."   
Lorelai still sat there, chewing now on her lower lip and staring wideeyed at her daughter.   
"It was a joke, mom - because he's the key to coffee. I didn't mean Luke. Did you think I did? Do you? Smile, I mean - You like Luke, don't you?"   
"No! I was just surprised. That you'd think -" She looked at Rory, flustered, "I mean, No. That's crazy. Luke's my friend. And i do love his coffee." She shook her head as if to clear out unwanted confusion, and stood up.   
"Think about Dean, though. It's not fair to be with him if your heart's not in it. Want some ice cream?"  
"No, Im fine" Rory replied, distracted as she glanced down at her book, thinking about Dean, Luke, Lorelais look of pure terror. The Industrial Revolution and English Literature. Joy. She sighed, and started reading.   
  
Lorelai sat in the kitchen, crosslegged on a chair, staring at the refridgerator.   
"Rory!"   
"What?"  
She paused.   
"I do - "  
"Admit to liking Celene Dion? I always knew your heart would go on."   
"Smile whenever I see Luke."   
"And not because of his coffee."  
"No." Her eyes were so wide they seemed never to blink. Rory stood in the doorway, an amused little smile sneaking across her face.  
  
"Aw, you've got a crush on Luke. Diner Man Luke. Does this mean you'll be nice to him?"  
Lorelai looked at her now, flabbergasted-silent.   
"Mom, do you love him?"  
"Oh, God, Rory, I don't know. Let's forget about it, okay?"  
"Why?"  
"It's not worth it. I'll just forget about it completely."  
"Healthy."   
"Since when am I not nice to Luke?"  
"Mom, you spend half your time thinking up new ways to annoy him."   
"Oh, he loves it."   
"I'm gonna go study. Wanna order some pizza? Or ... maybe you'd rather see loverboy and pick us up some burgers?" Rory wiggled her eyebrows while Lorelai pouted. "I might have to tell Luke you called him loverboy."  
"Did I say I was talking about Luke? He's the first one you think of when you hear the word loverboy? Why mother, I don't think this is appropriate for my young ears. And you know he'd ask for the context of the loverboy statement."   
"Fine. I'll go get some burgers."  
"And tell him you want his flannel bedecked body?"  
"No. I'm going to pretend this conversation never happened."  
"Good."   
"Thanks for your support."  
  
  
Lane sat on the floor next to Rory, talking.   
"This guy is perfect! Amazing! Beautiful! And he has the most perfect taste in music, except for a little Avril Lavigne fiasco which I'm sure he'll recover from. A simple momentary lack in judgment. He has green streaks in his hair, which fall so perfectly in his face everytime i see him - oh god - i wanted to brush them out of his face - what is it with me and hair?"   
"Hair is a very important attribute."  
"Dean has nice hair. I bet it's smooooth."  
"Very."   
"What's Jess's hair like?"  
"Lane!" Rory exclaimed, surprised. "Why would I know that?"  
"I dont know, I just thought since you've been spending so much time with him -"  
"No. Jess and I are just friends. I'm with Dean."  
"Why do you always feel the need to prove that? We all know you're with Dean, Rory. It doesnt need to be stated."   
"I'm sorry. I'm just a bit testy when it comes to Dean recently."  
"Trouble in paradise?"  
"I guess. Ooh! That reminds me. You'll never believe this."  
"What?" Lane leaned forward, rocking with her legs bent in.   
"Lorelai admitted to having a crush on Luke!"  
"No! What happened? What's she going to do about it? Is she in love? Oh, wow."   
"I was joking with her, right, about how happy she must when she sees Luke, because of his coffee, you know?" Lane nods. "But she thought I meant Luke, Just Luke, no coffee. And she went completely silent, froze - I dont think she was capable of movement for a whole minute, which is a lot for Lorelai. And then a little later she admitted I was right and that she had a crush on him." Rory grinned.   
"Are you okay with this?"  
"Yeah, I think so. It's not like it's unexpected. I just hope she doesnt do something stupid until she's absolutely sure how she feels about him. Because she'd be miserable without his friendship, and so would I. He's like, the closest thing to a father I've ever had, I guess."  
"Wow. What does she want to do?"  
"Forget about it."   
"Yeah. You think he likes her too?"  
"Probably. I wish you could see the look on her face. I've never seen mom so shocked and horrified before."   
"Oh, wow."  
"You've got to keep this to yourself though."  
"Of course. You think she'll do anything stupid?"  
"Naw. She'll be too embarassed."   
"Where is she now?"  
"Luke's."   
"Uh oh."  
"Just to get food," Rory added quickly.   
"Lorelai is incapable of going to Luke's to just get food."  
"True. But she'll be fine. Mom's a genius at denial when it comes to Luke." 


	4. Damn that skewed logic of impulse

"Coffee?"  
"Why the hell would you need coffee this late at night."  
"Because, if I dont feed the addiction, withdrawal will eat at me and deprive me of sleep. My body demands caffeine."  
"You realize how skewed your logic is, right?"  
She merely smiled.   
"I'm fine, Luke, and how are you?"  
He rolled his eyes. "You come in here late at night just because you know it'll be empty and you can bug me full time, right."  
"Well, Mr. Danes, I need food for my lovely offspring."  
"I offer to give you food but you always refuse in favour of grease."   
  
He walked over to an old couple who'd just walked in for dinner.   
"Luke! You forgot to take my order!" She cried out, laughing, as she snuck behind the counter and grabbed the coffee pot.   
"Hey!" He cried, walking back a moment later as she finished pouring a cup. She scurried back to her seat. "That's what you get when you don't serve your customers, Luke."   
"whaddya want?" He muttered, moving the coffee pot further away from Lorelai.   
"Two burgers, to go. And coffee. Four coffees."   
"Just you and Rory?"  
"Well ..."  
"No coffee."   
"Fine. Just two coffees. Both for Rory, Luke."  
"Knowing you you'll drink them both before you get home and tell her I refused to send any."   
He walked away, and she sipped her coffee, looking out the window at the night's stragglers and the soft glow of the streetlight. Luke brought food to the other customers, and went back into the kitchen, returning a moment later.  
  
"Lorelai -" He wanted to ask her how she was, after the fears of the other night, but didn't quite know how.   
"How's Rory? Haven't seen her much today."   
"Oh, she's fine. Studying like a maniac as usual. Doubts about Dean."  
He grunted, approvingly, but refrained from stating his Dean dispproval.   
  
"Luke - Have you ever ..." She paused, not knowing where the words came from but the night was so silent and dark, and he was right there in front of her, she wanted to talk to him.  
"What?"   
"Nothing," she smiled, and gazed out the window, sighing."  
"Have I ever what?" He insisted, suspicious and wondering if she was upset about something. He refilled her coffee cup, not thinking.   
"Well, I mean, we've known each other a long time and ... Have you ever thought about ... us ... dating? I mean just thought about it, not wanted to ... or ... anything."   
He turned around to put the coffee pot back in place, keeping his voice a monotone. "Have you?"   
  
"Sure," she said, surprised, "We've known each other a long time, it's natural. Not that I - I mean just a few times, it'd be the same with anyone, right?"   
"Yeah." His confusion and fear contained, he kept his face expressionless.   
"So ... have you?"   
"Yeah. It's normal."   
She wanted to bang her head on the counter, and couldn't quite remember why or how she'd started this conversation but his face had suddenly shut her out completely, and he went back into the kitchen. Oh shit.   
He brought out her burgers. "How much coffee will Rory want?"   
"Two cups." He raised his eyebrows.   
"All for Rory?"   
"If you only give me one it might not make it all the way to her."   
"Fine."   
She lingered as he poured the coffee, trying to think of a way to get things back to normal instead of this fluttering nervousness and fear surrounding them.   
  
Luke watched the coffee falling into the cup, very deliberately not looking in Lorelais direction. She'd made it clear any thought of dating him was fleeting, frivolous. She was probably asking because she was afraid he had feelings for him, and if she detected any would avoid him for awhile to let him get over them. As much as he told himself the feelings would go away, another part of him knew for certain that they wouldn't. He kept a straight face, thinking to change the subject.  
  
Lorelai took another gulp from her mug, hiding her confused face. He didn't want to talk about it, he was embarassed. Because she was making a fool of herself and he didn't feel the same way. Okay. God, this was stupid. New subject.   
  
  
"Luke? More coffee?"   
"Jesus, Lorelai" he scowled "I just poured some into a to go cup. Satisfy yourself with that. Are you planning on sleeping at all tonight?"   
"Well, I need enough energy to tear Rory away from her studying and make her entertain me."  
"Poor kid."   
"Well, she can't kick me out like you can."   
"Small miracles."   
A moment's pause.   
"How are you? I mean - last night you ..."   
She smiled. "I'm fine. Although if you keep reminding me ..." She wagged her finger at him. "And, yes, I'm still trying to like Jess. He reminds me of when I was the 'bad kid', though. I guess I still am, in my parents' eyes." She sighed. "I'm glad you're giving him a chance, really. He needs someone to show him support."  
"Well it's not easy. I don't think he's as terrible as everyone thinks he is, but he's so damned secretive it's hard to know."  
  
"And you're setting such a great example of communication and openness for him to follow, Luke."   
"I didn't say he had to talk about every damn thing in his life. Just the things that seem suspicious."   
"Oh, come on, if you were in his position I bet you'd be the same way ... hey, what *were* you like in high school?"  
"Lorelai -"   
"Butch -"   
"Shut up." He'd walked around the counter and placed the coffees in front of her, so Lorelai stood up to leave.   
"C'mon, Butch ..."   
"No."  
"Have a lot of girlfriends."   
"We're closed. Get out."   
"It's only nine!"  
"Out."  
"Give me more coffee."  
"No."  
"I'll tell you about my high school days."   
"That wouldn't take much prompting."   
  
She grinned at him, at his flashing eyes, annoyed yet humoured. A trace of a smile on his lips, he stood there staring at her. She paused, nearly spoke, and before she knew what she was doing, leaned at him hard and kissed him fully. She felt his hand tentative at her waist as he leaned into the kiss. Suddenly, she pulled away, her face twisted in horror. "Oh, God - Luke, I'm sorry. I didn't me-" She backed up, looking at his shocked face, grabbed the food and coffee and stalked out the door. Shit, she thought. Shit damn fuck.   
  
She was right. It was only nine. Earlier than the diner usually closed. He stared after her. Flipped the sign to closed. Turned out the lights, and went to sit on the floor, head against the wall. The street light threw its glare into the diner. Lorelai would be back the next day, she might be nervous and taciturn. Would avoid looking into his eyes for a few weeks. Or she'd bring it up right away. Apologize and say it was just an impulse. Probably fear of being alone after Rory left. And then she'd leave. He'd pretend that was fine. He wished she'd never kissed him. Now he was past denial and would just have to pretend. He closed his eyes, rubbed his head and took his hat off. He loved her. How would he be able to agree that it was a mistake?   
Starts now. He stood up, flipped the sign back, put his hat on and turned the lights on again. It never happened, and anyway he wouldn't have to see her again at least until tomorrow. That wasn't a good thing, but in this case it was better. 


	5. Denial is the best policy, with flailing...

thanks for the reviews! probably will end this soon, i'd rather think about things post-"let the games begin", which was a very fun episode for pretty much all relationships of people except of course the ones that weren't in the ep at all (sookie, lane, you know.) *grins* fun. but i can't end it yet, because characters must be generally confused and babbling nonsense as that is always an enjoyable state of affairs.   
  
oh yeah, disclaimer: i own nothing except arrangement of words. but at least the one small thing i do own happens to entertain me quite well.   
  
*********************************  
  
  
"Your mom's taking a long time," Lane said.  
"Well, you were right. She *does* have a strange need to harass Luke every time she goes there."   
"Do you think she did something stupid? I mean, after the realization earlier?"   
"Nah," Rory said. "She'd be way too embarrassed."  
  
The front door opened, Lorelai came running in.   
"Rory! Rory!"  
"Mom, what is it?" Lorelai stood flatly in the kitchen, terrified eyes flashing toward Lane and Rory at the kitchen table.  
"I just did the stupidest thing possible."  
"Mom, calm down. What happened?"  
"I kissed Luke." Rory's eyes widened as the rest of her face remained calm. Lane grinned in quick amusement, and stood up, walking to the other end of the kitchen to hide her teasing smile. "Okay, mom, chill, just sit down and tell me what happened."   
  
"I don't know, I was just sitting there waiting for the food, and before I knew it I found myself asking if he'd ever thought about us dating." As she spoke her arms flailed wildly about and she paced in circles around the kitchen. Rory, exasperated, grabbed her arm and sat her down in a chair.   
"Uh oh."   
"Yeah, but that was fine and I changed the subject and ended up teasing him about high school, trying to get him to tell me what he was like then."  
"And - ?"  
"And he got annoyed, as one would expect -"  
"And hope for -"   
"Then, we were just standing there, and I was smiling at him."  
"Okay, what happened?"  
"I kissed him."  
"Why?"  
"Well, I was going to say something really stupid so for a flash of a second I thought that kissing him would be a good way to prevent myself from saying that I was in love with him."  
"WHAT?"   
"I really need to work on my common sense skills."  
  
"You're in love with Luke?"  
"And now he's never going to look me in the eyes again." Her head flopped down onto the table as she moaned.   
"Wait, mom, back up? You ... Love ... Luke?"   
Lorelai lifted her head slightly, looking at Rory and halfsmiling through the look of misery on her face - "Maybe."   
"So decisive you are." Rory sat down next to her mother, calm and patient with a clear simple voice pulling the whole room under control, regulating the spinning madness of her mothers excitable mind.   
  
"I don't know what happened, kid. This is why I never think about Luke like that. It can only result in confusion and stupid mistakes like this. "  
"You have to figure out whether you love him or not. You can't just keep avoiding it."  
"Sure I can!" She grinned theatrically, pushing emotion away .  
"No, you can't."  
"Oh, I assure you I can. And I'd do a great job at it too."  
"Think. About. Luke."  
"Ugh."  
"Lovely response."  
"Well, I screwed up."   
"So figure it out or things will just get worse."  
"You're right. Why do you have to be right?"  
"Do you want me to leave you alone?"   
  
During this exchange Lane leaned against the counter in the kitchen, silent and amused, her face twitching against her will into a strange grin despite her efforts to stay in the background, straightfaced-supportive.   
"I don't know, I just - I'll sleep on it!" She exclaimed, as though struck by a brilliant idea, the slouch in her shoulders disappearing, form exploding as she detected an easy way out.   
"No."  
"Why not?" Lorelai whined, collapsing again - arms stretched across the table and head tilted bemoaningly towards her steady knowing daughter.  
"Because that's avoiding the situation. Take a walk, clear your head and Calm Down. We'll talk about this later. Go."   
"But Rooorrrr --"She grabbed Lorelai by the arms, shuffling her towards the door, and with a swift push expelled her to the cold clear night. The door slammed shut in the middle of Lorelai's moan.   
  
She turned back to Lane with a loud sigh, jolting her head slightly to expel the confusion. The kitchen shone yellowish light against the blackness of the windows, and, catching Lane's bemused expression leaking across her face, Rory grinned as though to giggle, looking away for quick control. She divided up the forgotten food from Luke's, and the two girls roamed to the couch, sitting crosslegged for continued talk - Lane leaning forward excitedly, eyes lively and face animated, they ate the food as Lorelai stalked wildly through the night, decidedly distressed and resentfully angry at nothing in particular. After a few minutes, her energy released, she floated methodically through the streets, the night and contemplation sinking into her form. 


	6. Seeking clarity

again, i own nothing. i merely borrow without permission. Gee, that seems to sum up existence in general, doesnt it?   
  
ahh, writing fanfic is good. an easy way to write because when i try to write my own things i get so hung up about it. *frowns* sorry to whine, im just having problems with something im writing right now. Stupid head o' mine.   
  
thanks for the reviews, they make me feel all warm inside.   
  
not much happens in this chapter, just people thinking and me obsessing over the image of the night i've created here. Fun.   
  
gee, why am i so babbly tonight? and why does the word "gee" keep popping into my head. It's a fun sound though.   
  
************************  
  
The stars shot like bullets through that clear crisp night, eleven o'clock approaching swiftly and about to fall away - Rory leaned back on her bed, frowning, an open book (large and ominous school book) forgotten in her lap. Lorelai hadn't returned, Lane at the last possible minute sprinted reluctantly home, her eager energy clinging to each passing moment before returning to that strange world of her mother.   
Dean had called, and as much as Rory wanted to be madly in love and happy, hearing his voice on the phone she wondered if he called because he missed her, or to check up on her, or because it was appropriate boyfriend behavior. The conversation rung hollow and mundane on the house strangely bright against the shattering night. Now, in the comforting dimness, Rory couldn't remember what they'd talked about, no matter how hard she concentrated.   
But this wasn't supposed to end. And even if it wasn't working, how would it end? And what would life be like if there was suddenly no more Dean?   
Maybe easier, she sighed. Was there a Dean now at all? Empty conversations and tense encounters. She could hardly even remember what it was they'd lost. But she didn't know how to change things for herself right now, only how to let them happen. Was that how she'd ended up with him in the first place? Perhaps. She couldn't remember any distinct decision, any effort she made. She realized now that she really didn't love him, that it was just easier to keep going until it faded away completely.  
Lane had tried to encourage her to stick with Dean. Animosity toward Jess, perhaps. Or the hope that love and relationships - something so difficult for Lane to take part in - could remain beautiful, that romantic enthusiasm Lane had for the world outside Mrs. Kim's insanity.   
She tossed her book on the floor with an annoyed exhalation, pouting at the air in front of her, eyes vacant. With a shake of her head, the frown melted away to discontent, and she leaned over to straighten out the thrown book before turning her light off and burrowing under the covers. Her eyes fixed themselves on the ceiling, waiting for sleep to sneak unnoticed upon her distressed mind.   
  
*******  
  
The night was beautiful in its dark clarity. Lorelai watched the sky from the center of town, her mind calmer and entranced, rippling out into the expanses of existence. With this calm, with this centering she focused on Luke. Imagined seeing him now, sharing this with him and feeling his embrace. She smiled, and listened to the soft tap of her footsteps as she floated home through the night.   
Her body felt suddenly heavy and tired as she made those last steps into the house, into a brightly lit kitchen set against the darkness and silence of the rest of the house. Rory was in bed, she could tell, she could feel it in the heaviness of the world around her. Smiling slightly, Lorelai made her way to Rory's bedroom, peeking tentatively through the door.   
  
"Long walk." Came the voice from the darkness, Rory lying on her back still staring at the ceiling.   
"Yeah. Good walk. You're a smart one, kid."   
"Any great epiphanies?"  
"Other than deciding that Kirk and Taylor will fall madly in love and take over the town?"  
Rory was sitting up now, smiling sleepily with her hair softly blanketing her.   
She rolled her eyes, "About Luke."  
"Maybe." Lorelai's grin was playful, her voice teasing.  
"Well."  
"I think I love him."  
"You think?"  
"I'm pretty sure."  
"Wow."  
"I know."  
"Wow."  
"You can stop saying that now."  
"This is big."  
  
"Yeah." Lorelai frowned, her mind emerging from the stillness of her walk, remembering the situation - the kiss, Luke - the euphoric cloud of her realization yielded to her fear of the reality. She frowned even more now, eyes seeking out the floor in consternation.   
"That's great, Mom."  
"How is that great?"  
"You and Luke."  
"No. Me ... In love with Luke, who doesn't love me."   
"How do you know he doesnt love you?"  
"It's not possible for me to be that lucky."  
"Maybe," Rory began, "You haven't been lucky because you're meant to be with luke." Her voice filled the air, optimistic and comforting.   
"So what do I do?"  
"Difficult situation."   
"Rooorrrryyy" Lorelai whined, but her face smiled vaguely through the darkness and she gave her daughter a playful shove.   
"Sorry. Talk to him."  
"What should I say? Do I apologize for my idiocy and have things be awkward for awhile, or tell him i love him and never see him again."  
"Did he kiss you back?"  
"Yeah."  
"Hmm. I don't know, Mom."  
"I need a new therapist."  
"But we take far too long to grow. It'll be another 16 years before you'd have another as qualified as me so you better stick with the one you've got."   
"You're saying only a homegrown therapist would suffice?"  
"Trust me, Mom, it takes this many years of living with you to understand your mind at all. You're stuck with me."  
"I should've traded you in early, huh?"  
She hugged Lorelai, mumbling, "Cheer up, I'm sure everything will be fine."   
  
"Easy for you to say. So how's the Dean issue?"   
Rory groaned, rolling her face back to the bed to hide in the pillow.   
"Oh, babe, you okay?"   
"Yeah. I'm okay. We'll discuss it tomorrow. I just want to sleep right now."  
"Alright hon. G'night." Lorelai kissed Rory's hair covered face, and softly left the room. She padded through the house, frowning slightly but protected still by the night, and went to bed. 


	7. waking up

still own nothing.   
  
okay, just a quick one here. I have more written, but not much yet and i have a desperate need right now to go rent monty python videos. Damn my britlit prof for mentioning monty python about fifty times in class the other day. Much craving. Also need caffeine. So, very short chapter until i feed my cravings. british comedy rocks my world.   
  
"i can't see my reflection in the water  
i can't speak no sounds to show no pain  
i can't hear the echo of my footsteps  
or remember the sound of my own name."   
- dylan  
  
  
*****************  
  
Luke's apartment was still dark at five thirty in the morning, but he stumbled out of bed with a groan, had to be ready to feed the masses who wanted coffee ever earlier. In the lingering lilt of the stars he remembered the kiss last night, and almost smiled at the memory, through his cringing scowl. He didn't know, anymore, whether he really wished it hadn't happened. A shock, a tease, a joke - Yet the memory of it lingered pleasantly, and besides - Last night it had seemed his doom, today in the morning stretching grayness he realized that it, like everything else, would pass and the fear of awkward apocalpytical drama was ridiculous.   
A slightly altered reality becomes quickly accepted, and he regretted most that today he wouldn't be able to enjoy Lorelai's standard visit, if she came to the diner at all. He wished the awkwardness would just hurry up and pass, that a new pattern would emerge, a new sense of reality, and with it that one small pleasure of a kiss in his memory, whatever would come of his life or hers.   
Well, anyway - there was the same pattern as usual. The same stumbling to the bathroom - like a children's colouring book, the lines the same. Today like a sky filled carefully with green and purple crayon. But the pattern the same, his mind stetching out to absurdity while his body moved reliably through the day. Downstairs. Open the diner. Lights. Sign. Coffee. The sun not yet visible, but forms emerging from the blackness, blanketed in grays and blues.   
  
As Luke sighed and resigned himself to the day, Lorelai mumbled to her pillow and committed shocking acts of violence against her alarm. The presunlight glimpses began to stretch across her room, yawning through the blinds.  
Lorelai rolled over on her back, eyes full and awake directed at the ceiling.   
She remembered.  
And smiled.  
And frowned.  
With a groan, her body arched out of bed drug down the stairs as though in subconscious search of coffee.   
  
Lorelai sat at the kitchen table, bright light of morning reflected on snow glaring at her. She sipped her coffee and stared emptily ahead, troubled.   
"Mom!" Rory was surprised to find her up so early, and so awake. "What's wrong? Couldn't sleep?"   
"Surprise surprise."   
"You could go talk to Luke."  
"Uh, No, I'm fine. Plenty of coffee." She smiled weakly.  
"Last night's realizations still stand?"  
"Yup," stated Lorelai decisively. "And I'm screwed."   
"Naw. Just go talk to him."  
"Why?"  
"You can't pretend nothing happened ..." Lorelai frowned.  
"Why not?"  
"Mom, go. He won't open for another half hour, and you'll feel better if you get it over with."  
"I dont think it's a good idea."  
"Scaredy cat."  
"So?"  
"So go. Now. Out." She playfully shoved her mother out the door, hiding a giggle. Lorelai squinted at the light, the early morning sun ducking behind a cloud as she stepped outside. All was dim and grayish now, and the air cold. She walked down the street, nervousness eating at her insides. She wasn't quite sure what she would say to him, but knew an apology would be in there somewhere. Probably best to leave it at that, she decided. We can get over a silly impulsive kiss. Realizing how hurriedly she shot along in her nervousness, she slowed her pace, inching forward very deliberately. Pausing, now and then, to stare at something she didn't really see. 


	8. enough already

okay, last section, im sick of it. Plus my concentration skills are entirely shot. Combine a pot of coffee and Dont Look Back -- Wow, man. im on an entirely different plane of existence.   
  
quote of the moment: "very protest, very, very protest and of the protestiest of all things i've ever protested against in the protest years." (bob dylan, in interview, about rainy day women 12 & 35)   
  
Um.   
and i have yet to watch monty python.   
  
Dig yourself.   
  
"kids, be free. do whatever you want to do be whatever you want to be. Just so long as you don't hurt anybody. And remember kids, I am you friend."  
  
masscoffee - yeah, gotta love the knights who say nee. you will bring me ... a shrubbery!   
  
i should probably eat food before making another pot of coffee. *ponders*   
anyway, sorry if it's a rushed or crappy ending. my mind doesnt feel like functioning except to go "wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"  
  
*******************************  
  
  
A few minutes later she stood outside Luke's diner, and glanced inside. He was there, getting ready to open, but the sign still read closed. The street was nearly empty and she took a sharp breath, knocked on the window.   
Luke didn't look happy, and at the sight of her face a cloud descended on his eyes. She waited, scared but determined, each breath burning her lungs like acid. He let her in with one quick glance, turning away and walking toward the counter as she nervously shut the door and followed.  
"Luke -"   
He turned around and she swallowed her words. The sight of his face terrified her and she suddenly wanted to cry. Wished she could just tease him as usual and get a quick hit of Luke to make her day just slightly more pleasant, to have that goofy relaxed smile as she walked to work each morning.   
"I'm sorry," she blurted.   
"It's fine." His voice shook her body, so harsh and closed.   
  
"Please, Luke. I really am sorry. I -"   
"I know. It was a mistake. An impulse. I understand. Forget it."   
"I didn't mean to -"   
"I know you don't want to be with me."   
The words hung in the air. She looked at him. "Things happen," he muttered. "We'll just pretend it didn't."   
"Luke," she began, her voice uncertain, "What do you think I'm apologizing for?"  
"Lorelai -" Dont do this, he thought, closing his eyes, his back to her now as he started the coffee.   
"Okay. Look, I'm going to say something I didn't want to. Rory and I were talking last night. She wasn't sure about Dean, and I asked her if seeing him made her happy, if it made her smile. And then, as a joke, she said I must feel that way when I see you - She meant because of the coffee. I thought of you. And ... I do.   
It was a mistake, okay? Because it was either that or tell you I love you and somehow at the moment it happened I thought kissing you was the less stupid of the two and I'm still not sure but I guess now it doesnt really make a difference. I love you, Luke."  
He was on the other side of the counter by the time she finished, watching her face as she stared at the floor. His voice caught in his throat, he replayed the words - Confused. Those eyes, staring so intensely, enough to stop the world from moving - she glanced up from the floor, into those eyes. His face frozen in a look of astonishment and almost horror.   
"Oh, God -" She turned quickly towards the door, on the verge of tears and ready to run. A few staggering steps toward the door -  
Luke caught her by the arm and turned her around, his statued form suddenly exploding into motion and before either of them knew it, he was kissing her.   
He pulled away, a smile tracing his lips as he looked at her, eyes still scared and whispered - "I love you too."   
Lorelai watched him for a moment, and when it sunk in began to smile, choked her laughter with a kiss. They kissed softly, intently, hands landing gently on each other. As they pulled away, Luke adjusted his baseball cap and Lorelai turned awkwardly to the said - they looked at each other and smiled.  
"This is weird," she laughed.   
He turned away and went back behind the counter.   
"I didn't mean that, Luke. It's just weird. Not bad. Just weird. It's you, my best friend. My Lukey." He groaned.   
"Coffee?"   
'Oh, yes, coffee makes everything normal. Except you offering it to me."   
He glared at her. "So you don't want it?"  
"Oh, I do, I do."   
She glanced out the window. "Too bad for Miss Patty she wasn't up and about just now."   
"What a pity. I assume you'll want quantities of sugar or grease this morning as well?"   
"Ooh, That sounds good. Fry me up some sugar."   
"I'd do it."  
"I'd probably enjoy it."   
"Lorelai -" He paused, suddenly smiling, and leaning across the counter to kiss her.   
"You said my name so serious-like just to kiss me?" she grinned widely.   
  
"No. I just suddenly realized I could. I just ... will Rory be okay with this?"   
"Luke, do you really think I got through an entire night knowing I loved you, and then kissing you, and feeling incredibly stupid without Rory knowing about it."  
He sighed.   
"So ... ?"   
"She laughed at me. Told me I was cute. Was of completely no assistance in my time of agony. And is watching us from outside." He glanced out the window, Rory waved.   
  
"Hey, Luke."  
"What."  
"I love you."  
"I love you."   
"Weird, right?"   
"If I don't say yes, are you going to spend your whole day trying to prove it" He switched the sign to open.   
"You don't feel weird?"  
"Maybe." He looked her in the eyes and smiled, "But don't expect any free coffee today."  
"I'm willing to pay for it as long as you're willing to give it to me."  
"Don't count on it."  
"No coffee no kisses?"   
"Shut up."   
  
Rory walked in, grinning and ready to tease.   
"Hey mom, Luke."   
"Coffee, Rory?"   
"Why, thank you Luke. Having a good day?"   
He poured her coffee silently, then looked at Lorelai, hiding a smile. "Is there any way at all to get your mother to be less annoying?"  
"Nope. Love it or leave it."   
"Hmph."  
"I think you're doomed, Luke."   
"I'd be much less annoying if you gave me more coffee!"  
"You lie."   
"Okay, I'll kiss you if you give me more coffee."  
"Mom!"  
"You'd kiss me anyway."   
"Hm. Maybe. But not like I would with coffee." She wiggled her eyebrows.  
"I don't need this," Rory groaned. "I'm gonna go find Lane before the bus, k?"   
"Bye Rory."  
"Here." He handed her a takeout cup. "Luke, you rule. Have fun, you two. Play nice." 


End file.
